Episode 3, in which the heroine just doesn't know

I owe this post to my mum. My wonderful, brave and sweet mum (she's going to hate me for this). Without her I wouldn't have written this.

As some of you might have noticed I've been a bit quiet recently. Now I know you're not supposed to apologize for that being a good blogger and all, and I don't know how many of you really care (I suspect most people just want to know how to get into LBS, and frankly don't care much now that I'm an alumna). Mum asked tonight whether I was too busy to write. I said yes. And then no. I mean, I've been busy before, that's usually not an excuse not to write. Something else has been bugging me and until I get those thoughts out in a coherent way, I am kinda blocked from writing anything else. And although I don't know if I've figured out a coherent way to convey these thoughts, I thought I might as well give it a try. So bear with me. And apologies in advance if I sound fuzzy. I am much more 'fuzzed out' than anyone else I suspect.

These past few weeks a number of things have happened in my life that have made me think. I went to a reception where the new Dean at London Business School, Robin Buchanan spoke. He's very competent. His speech was exactly what you'd expect to hear. And that left me feeling a tad disappointed. That vague sort of rumbling in your tummy kinda disappointed. Is competent (which he beyond doubt is) good enough? I'm not sure it is. I have higher hopes. I want inspiring. I want a bigger vision than what he had to offer. Am I impatient? Impractical? People have told me that all MBAs want are good jobs anyway. I don't buy that. At all. Granted, I don't think I'm your bog-standard typical MBA. But then again, not a whole lot of MBAs are in my experience. Are we all this cynical that we don't believe in inspiration? In something which is greater than ourselves and will last longer than any material possessions we can't take to our grave anyway? I don't believe it. So here's to inspiration. Let's have more of it. Screw cynicism.

At the same time, we had our big group presentation at MADS. Our team was given the assignment to prepare a 45-60 min presentation on the concept of Ubuntu ('shared humanity' for those of you not fluid in Zulu) and how badly designers need it. I had expected another group project; we used to crank 'em out faster and harder than a Ford assembly line in the MBA. I started of with a little trepidation, how would I work with this new group and would we be able to crack it on time? And aren't all designers frightfully disorganised (the answer to that one is no)? The project quickly grew to something bigger than just a classroom project. I'd never really thought about sustainability (which is the angle of shared humanity we decided to take). Not beyond what I suspect most people know about it. I recycle paper and glass, have seen Al Gore's An Inconvenient Truth and was appropriately cycnical about it (as you would expect a good MBA to be) but also strangely touched, which lasted for about as long as it took to walk over to the pub afterwards and get a drink. I know global warming is happening, and think someone should fix it. I know about the Millenium Goals and think governments should work hard to make them a reality. It's all about someone doing something about it. Until I realised one day that I think I might be going about it in the wrong way. 'Someone should fix it'. 'Someone'. So who is this someone? It would have to be someone in a position of power. Running a company. Or a designer who can design more sustainable products. Then it hit me. That's me. *swear alert* Bloody hell, that's me. I AM that person. I have an MBA from one of the top schools in the world. I'm currently taking a degree from one of the world's best design schools and I'm looking to SOMEONE to fix it? I should be fixing it. If I don't, then who the heck will?

And then what happened? I don't know. I feel I'm at a point in my life where I can't go back. To being cynical and hoping someone else will fix things. But I'm not sure what to do. Or how to go about it. What if I do something and make things inadvertedly worse? Could and should I have made different work-choices (don't get me wrong, I love my job, but is branding and design going to change the world? Is that even important?)? All this is making me antsy, edgy and frustrated. With all my degrees and knowledge and experience, what exactly am I doing to make the world a better place?

Right. At least I've said it out loud now. There you have it. Now let me see what I can do to find a solution. Because there has to be one. I'll report back on when I find it.

Comments

[Steve]

That's quite a blog entry my friend and inspiring also. Cynicism is easy, making a change from it is not. But it sounds like you are well on your way.

[-tvu]

We (at least I) still like reading your blog regardless if you're an alumnus.

Yes...we all have a greater calling. It's just rarely do any of us answer that call.

[Rogier]

Great post, Divine Miss N. Running out of excuses not to do something is probably a tad frightening - but I'm very curious when you'll report back on this issue... Keep it up! R.